Becoming Her (Whoever She Is)

I’ve been trying to figure out who ‘that girl’ is for…ever since that trend started. We all follow a few of them on Instagram or TikTok, we like their posts, “How to Become ‘That Girl’ at the Gym” or “7 Easy Habits That Will Turn You Into ‘That Girl’”... intending to come back to them so at some point we can actually become her… but who is she really? And do we ever really go back to the post? Or is it something that just leaves a lasting impression… something that makes us think we aren’t already our own version of ‘that girl’... someone who is imperfectly perfect the way she is? Do they just feed the continuous loop of self-doubt and hatred—pushing us to improve for all the wrong reasons?

I’m not entirely sure, but I do know that I never really feel better or happier coming from one of those posts. I end up opening Amazon, ready to order something I’ll probably only use once and throw out during my next move. Or forcing myself to go to the gym because I don’t feel as fit as ‘that girl’. I end up wishing I had more money and free time to live the life I think I want. Unless you act instantly on one of those posts, they mostly just put your mind in a dream state of ‘what if’ and ‘I wish’, which takes you out of the present moment. Let’s be honest, does anyone really take real notes or action immediately after an ‘it girl’ post? Personally, I watch it a few times, double tap it to come back (never do), and keep scrolling. Ahh yes, the doom scroll—the epitome of losing touch with the present moment.

*quote found on pinterest

But how do we choose to stay grounded in the present moment? Apparently staying in the present moment is so important…I hear this all the time from podcasts, self-help books, and social media posts. That living (or thinking) in the future or the past isn’t good for our mental health, but what about that limbo phase… not present, not future, not past…but distracted…avoidant of our current circumstances. Modern technology has made this phase so easy to get stuck in, that most of the time we don’t even realize we are in it. And when we do realize it, it’s too late and we’ve distracted ourselves into feeling shame for lack of productivity. But I think we tend to feel more alone in this feeling than we actually are. I think anyone who has a phone has experienced this at least once…even ‘that girl’. I’m here to tell you it’s okay. Your dishes will still get done at some point even if it's not tonight and maybe your brain needed that distraction after a long day at work.

It can turn into more of a problem when it becomes a consistent habit. That gut-wrenching feeling of closing your eyes only to feel strain from looking at your screen too long…thinking to yourself, this is why I’m not like ‘that girl’. When I had this feeling a few too many times, I started thinking of ways I could distract myself in a more healthy way, like reading, coloring, painting my nails, budgeting or cooking. I picked up all of these habits at some point, continuing some, dropping others. But I am here to tell you—I still doom scroll. Maybe not as much, but it still happens. I don’t think we can avoid it unless we delete the apps…remove ourselves from what seemingly tethers us to society. It seems somewhat unrealistic for the world we live in, especially considering how businesses are run nowadays. Of course, I’m sure we all know that one person who revels in telling everyone they aren’t on social media and how wonderful it is, but I think it’s more common to be online than not. And I want to add, there is absolutely no shame in either path you may choose. To be honest with you, I would love to remove myself from social media, I’m probably a little jealous of those who can so easily.

There are times I choose to be in the present moment, letting thoughts come and go…and there are times I choose to be distracted, allowing my brain to take a break from thinking about every little detail of my life and this complex world. The goal is to find that perfect balance of caring enough…but not too much. It’s exhausting. What happened to just being? Every little thing is judged if not by someone else, by you, your worst critic. So, to me, becoming her is becoming me… whoever I am. I am deciding to let go of the need to ‘have it all’. I may not be perfect, but that is beautiful…and guess what? ‘That girl’ isn’t perfect either…she just seems that way.